Undertaking a research task is analogous to embarking on a captivating journey through the corridors of knowledge, where curiosity becomes your compass and discovery, your destination. On the other side, it’s a terrifying endeavor that invites us to unravel the mysteries of the universe, be it by delving into the depths of history, interpreting the complexities of science or exploring the intricacies of human behavior. With each step, you traverse uncharted territories, uncovering the unfold pages and gathering gems of insight that sparkle with the brilliance of enlightenment. Being granted the chance to engage in a significant research endeavor led by a renowned organization was truly a dream realized for me. Since, my earliest memories, my passion for working in the social sector and serving humanity in the most impactful manner possible has only grown, akin to a blossoming flower in a lush forest. My research assignment centered on the Sarlahi district, where I collaborated with my lecturer in conducting a baseline assessment.

During our journey, we gained valuable insights from our experiences, the individuals were encountered, and the discussions we had with the local community was truly enlightening. Unwelcomingly, we got to witness a 12 years old girl, who couldn’t speak, had become a mother out of a sexual misconduct. She was lying pathetically on a hospital bed, trying to breastfeed her newborn. The scene of that district hospital’s ward, strikes my head every time I try remembering it; the construction work going on in the nearby ward, the hygiene and sanitation maintained in the ward and my hallucination that the girl was trying to whisper the perpetrator’s name in my ears. Everything was shattering me from within and nothing has still been able to erase the scene and my feelings sculpted by that incident. The girl was continuously crying and her mom seemed like scolding her (as we didn’t understand the local language) they were speaking. I, as a researcher, had to stand numb in front of the mom, the daughter and everyone standing in front of me.  

Repeatedly, I made a solemn vow to weave this heart-wrenching incident into my research report, hoping to offer the young girl some semblance of justice for the unquantifiable suffering she endured. Yet, in this moment, I find myself grappling with a profound dilemma, questioning my efficacy in unearthing societal injustices and confronting the pervasive evils that plague our world. It’s a bittersweet irony, for while I am adept at uncovering these harrowing truths, I am left ruefully aware of my own limitations in effecting meaningful change. My passion for leaving footprints behind, wherever I go was, deeply crushed and shattered by this experience I had and a realization that my standpoint as a researcher, was almost baseless and naive for a moment.